i am just gna post it here cuz i bet nobody comes here anymore, so it's ok for an emo post like this, but for those who have stumbled upon this blog cuz he/she has clicked on the wrong link or maybe just feel like coming here randomly, u're in luck, get to know the latest update of the inner-me.

have i really changed for e worse? how much have i changed ever since i graduated? is it me who has changed or it's just the people around me have changed? i can sense some change in me in terms of how i value frenships...dunno y, i just didnt bother at all to even make the effort to bring a camera during outings which i usually do, i just wanna get it over and done with and back to my only-army life, but it's nt like i really enjoy army life, i guess i am just a lazy bum who cant be bothered with anything except for e compulsory thing in my life which is army cuz it's compulsory...sometimes i feel quite bad about all these thoughts cuz those were friends so close to me last time...yes it's true our busy lives made us distant and maybe tts y i didnt bother abt it anymore, but can we blame it on time alone? i think i shld take e blame man, it's me who didnt bother to keep us close, it's me who shut e world out? (isit this serious? nooo i am not becoming an eccentric person who shuts e world out) even andy sometime i couldnt be bothered with, sry andy for saying ur name here in e blog but u r e oni one who knows exactly y i have all these thoughts now so i guess it's ok, as for my other friends i wun mention ur namess.

anw nd was like my closest fren in jc but even now sometime i would just turn him down when he asked me for outings even though i am totally free(sry pal), but it's partially cuz my mum nags at me whole day long non stop abt uni and stuff and whenever i went out she would just complain non stop and said i shld give a tot abt my future but i haf alr settled so much, i guess there's no enough in her dictionary and i must stay at home whole day and not using computer but get crazy over uni application. before starting to apply she would nag me to apply, after applied she would nag me to check results which obviously wouldnt be released just becuz i sent a mail requesting for it( a ridiculous idea by my mum which she would haf denied anw if she see this). after the uni offered me she would nag me to go try applying other unis in case my uni not the best( then WHY DID I APPLY IT IN E FIRST PLACE???), i think after i have applied all e other unis offering med she would nag at me about trying to apply other courses or start reading up on uni syllabus...HELLO???IS THERE AN END TO ALL THESE???even today i went out for e first time during this weekend and she was quite pissed abt it when i came back home for dinnner...i guess she never would know abt all those thoughts i had in my head whenever i am out"would my mum be angry again just becuz i am nt at home?(which she does most of the time, it's not just me imagining)" "i needa rush home for dinner, in case my mum's angry again(u can ask all my frens, i alw wanna rush home for meals so many times tt i am like a ps king, and yet she thinks i dun give a damn abt spending time with family)" she is really ridiculous at times, but shes my mum, but please, i am an adult already, i can plan, i can think for my own, i am an officer for a reason, i CAN PLAN AND ORGANISE MYSELF!so please stop treating me like some small kid who cant be bothered with his life and is just wasting his 2 years in army away. i didnt do it in front of u doesnt mean i didnt do it, i didnt tell u doesnt mean i did not think through before, so please stop assuming and get urself frustrated and then blaming me for making ur blood boil.

ok, enuf of sidetrack, this post is supposed to be about me and my attitude. yes i just got to know today tt actly some of my frens told my other frens tt i haf changed for e worse, it's even hard to like me as a fren now, tt really saddened my whole day, am i really tt bad now? to guys i am just someone who complains whole day and dun give a damn abt them, to gals i am just some ungentlemanly inconsiderate and maybe even insensitive jerk...actly all these are relative. is it me who have changed or isit u who have nt caught up with me for quite sometime tt u are nt used to me anymore? i really dunno man, but i better just take it as i have changed for the worse...time to change then

these 2 years really sucked, officer so what? highest NSF pay so what? frens all drifting apart and those joy sharing moments between frens are gone, i am just a lazy loner now, hooray
i will change then, but may become some serious gentleman which is not who i really am alr, but my playful nature just isnt catchy at all now, nobody likes it. as for guys i will change for u as well, esp to my closest buddies out there, sry pals, will try my best to be bothered.

this post is getting really emo, i wonder am i just being sarcastic in rxn to the criticisms or just really really troubled by all these negative comments by my closest frens, especially those behind my back ones. nvm, time to book in...people, u can just ignore all the emo ventings, sry if u have bothered to read until this pt.